They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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