So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
