Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
