I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
