I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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