Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
