chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
