This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
