i think my tv is drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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