I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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