he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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