Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
