All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
