there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
