So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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