When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
