just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
