Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
