God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
