I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
