he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
