i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
