explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
