3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
