I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
