I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
