my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
