New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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