im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
