i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
