How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
