just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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