I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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