it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
