Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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