glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
