So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
