Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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