Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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