I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
