I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We are two peas in an std pod
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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