We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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