I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
