now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
