my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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