Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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