If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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