hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
