You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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