I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
